It has become increasingly clear to me that I developed some bad habits in graduate school. These come in many forms, but a lot of those I’m noticing now relate to work-life balance. I was struggling with undiagnosed ADHD, so your mileage may vary here. But that said, I think this is a fairly common problem. Three examples that seem pretty general:
- Trying to improve your teaching all at once or make your class “perfect” this term
- Letting “work to do” become an excuse for not maintaining habits and relationship or overriding your routine
- “I’ll deal with [life problem] during break / next semester”
I think these are very understandable habits to fall into in graduate school and early career. For many–and especially for those of us new to the academic world–this time of your career often gets framed as one of survival. Sometimes, we are even consciously making these choices, telling ourselves that we can readjust once we “make it.”
I certainly told myself this, going as far back as my last year at community college (third year of undergrad). Then, it was “I need to get into a good art program” (I was planning to be an artist then, but somehow ended up at OSU doing logic) and “I need to test out of everything so I can save money.” At OSU it was “I just need to get into grad school,” then at UCI “I just need to get to the next stage in the program.” Now it’s “I just need to get a TT position.”
The problem, I’m realizing, is how unprepared this leaves you when you do survive. Being in survival mode for so long has left me with fewer hobbies, fewer friends, less engaged with the communities I’ve lived in, and with worse mental and physical health. Worse, I am out of practice with enjoying hobbies, making and keeping up with friends, finding community, and caring for myself. These aren’t easy to get back, and the guilt response I’ve built up to trying to do these things–because it “isn’t work”–is hard to shake.
I’m not sure how much better I could have managed this while still making it where I am. Nevertheless, I do think it could benefit students and early-career folks to think and talk about this period as a practice run for having survived rather than as a period of merely surviving. A lot of the features present in your early grad school days are often still there even a decade later: harsh feedback from others, unstructured time, reliance on networking for career advancement, relative isolation from the non-academic world, onerous teaching and service duties, etc. It seems worth having in the background the question, what does a life worth surviving for look like, and how is your survival period preparing you to live that life?
Though I don’t want make this the whole point of the post, thinking more along these also makes it clear that it might not be worth it. I’ve met many unhappy academics, some who have transitioned to happy non-academic lives. But this transition seems to get harder the longer you spend in survival mode. Thinking about what you want your life to be like and how survival mode does (or does not) set you up to live it seems worthwhile, even early on. And, I think, programs and mentors should normalize this thinking.
In short, I think the narrative of survival deserves to be replaced with a more ethical narrative. This suggestion is basically to say I agree with Jennifer Morton’s recommendation in Moving Up Without Losing Your Way regarding strivers: there are serious ethical costs to move up and being honest about them allows strivers to make more informed decisions about which costs are worth the (potential) payoff.
By the way, go read Morton’s book!
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